I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
