Swine flu. Run for my life!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
