And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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