He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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