she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
