she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize