I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
