and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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