I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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