So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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