I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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