I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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