Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
