'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize