people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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