but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
