Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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