I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
