i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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