Just cropdusted the office
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
