Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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