my phone needs a breathalizer
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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