You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
