Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
false alarm. still invincible.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
