My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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