i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
