So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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