it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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