he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize