we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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