she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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