This girl is more easily done than said...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
