yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
