I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
