how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
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