By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
