she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
