I feel like abortions should bother me more
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize