i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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