That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
