And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
