you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
