No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
