I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize