Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
