her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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