Nicole vs. Life
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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