I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
