My liver just broke up with me...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
