over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
