8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
