Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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