the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
