Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
vagina is talking i cant
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
