I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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