So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
