You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
