So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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