Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
