If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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