and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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