Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
