I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
