It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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