you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
