Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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