I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
