I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You ate ashes out of my bong
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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