how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
