1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
