We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
