She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
so much tequila, so little girl.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
