She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
