I wanna bring you to show and tell
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
