If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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