Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
