Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
