I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
