morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
