drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
